I'm bored and trying to kill twenty minutes, so I'm going to make something up real quick and just post it without editing it. Let's see how I do. Feedback would be nice. And I'm aware this will probably be lame, but oh well. Enjoy.
Mickey's one of those guys in here with us goons that just don't belong, y'see? He's one of them clean-cut white-collars. Not like us. He ain't in here for hitting that broad, like Joey over there. That boy has one of them 'anger management' issues. He probably wouldn't even be here if it weren't for what he hit her with: a car! So he's serving his time.
Mickey, now, I said he don't belong here with us goons, yeah? Sorry, he belongs here, I mean he just seems out of place, y'see? Take Shorty over there. Tried to knock off a bar, but he couldn't reach over the counter, see? So he jumped up on a bar stool which fell over and made him bust open that fat head of his. Not so bright.
Naw, Mickey is different than us. We're the types that get angry, see? We're the ones that get fed up and try to change things with force. We don't always know our own strength, y'see? We sometimes hurt someone, accidental. But Mickey? He's classy. He don't yell, not even when they caught him. He went quiet. Always got a smile on his face. Polite. Treats us with respect. Like that Golden Rule thing. Heard about that? Treat others how you want them to treat you, right? He did that. Classy. We all liked him. Well, except for that one guy. Mickey did that Golden Rule thing perfect, all the time. The way that guy acted to Mickey, it made sense for what Mickey did to him. That guy treated Mickey like he was going to kill him. So Mickey returned them feelings and killed him. Kind of 'paid it forward' like that one movie, y'see? Nobody thought he'd do that. Word got around though, and we all respected him more. That guy was a jerk anyway.
Nah, Mickey was CLASSY. A month ago, I went to see him. I heard he hadn't been eating at all, so I goes up to him and asks 'Hey, Mickey! You sick or something? Why you ain't eating?"
That Mickey, he just smiled and said "I don't want to make a mess." I says "What's that mean?" But he just smiles and changes the subject.
Heard the next day, guards found him hanging. Said there was a note. Mickey said he was sorry 'bout what he did to that family and that he would do them the favor and get their revenge for them. He went nice and neat, too. Nothing to clean up, really.
Like I said. Classy."
Strong voice, good irony. I said "Ew," at the end if that's what you were going for. :)
ReplyDeleteRegarding the strong style/voice, I think you may have overdone the voice a tiny bit. It's a little repetitive, but nothing a quick rewrite wouldn't fix.
Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteThe idea popped into my head while stuck in traffic. "When you die, you supposedly soil yourself... but what if you fasted and there was nothing in there?" I have no idea where the thought came from.
Yeah, I was wondering about that the other day. That and the consistency of the voice. I might touch it up one day, but not for a while since I get a little busy in less than a week.