Cooking with Goodwin: Chicken Tortilla Soup (Cheater's Edition)

Howdy.

Ever have one of those weeks where you let yourself fall apart? Too much partying? Finding yourself waking up when people are getting off work?

I have.

What I need is to recover. I need to defibrillate my body with vitamins, nutrition, liquids, etc. I need my Tortilla Soup.

Now, I've had people tell me that this is NOT tortilla soup in any way. I tell them that if I wanted their opinion, I wouldn't know what to do, because there is no way I would ever want to know what they ever think. Ever. Be that as it may, this is not a recipe for purists. This is a recipe for people like me who need something that takes almost no effort to make that lasts a good while and tastes delicious. If you want "authentic" soup, go to a restaurant. There are many fine places.

So here we go. Be warned, this will take a while, and it's definitely the most complicated thing I can make. But it's also one of my best recipes.

Gather your ingredients. It won't take much.

1 Whole Frying Chicken (pre-cut)

1 big pot (big enough to hold an entire chicken covered in broth and then some)

1 Pre-Packaged Pico de Gallo (I use Medium and make it spicier if I feel like it. You can't make it less spicy, though, so if you want to go Hot, it will all be that way and you'll have to deal with it)

1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup

1 pkg. Low-Sodium Chicken Broth

2 Tsp. Ground Cumin

2 Tsp. Ground Coriander

Salt

Pepper

Cayenne

Hooray for spices!

I'm too lazy to cut up an entire chicken myself.

That's just for cooking. Serving requires Mexican Cheese and Tortilla Chips.

It's generic because it works better for some reason. I'm serious.

This thing is easy to change up, too, depending on how much work you want to do. You can make your own Pico, you can use Water instead of broth (again, the broth makes it better to begin with), you can make your own broth, it's up to you. I'm just telling you the easiest way to do it. The more you make it, the more ideas you'll have on your own to change it up.

First thing's first: Wash your damn hands well. You're going to handle raw chicken, and you should fear it if you are not good with handling chicken. You have nothing to fear if you just wash your hands, but there's a reason you be careful with undercooked/raw chicken. Move an open trashcan near the sink, as well as putting your pot near the sink as well.

Once your hands are washed, consider them to be covered in fire until I say otherwise. Do not touch anything, including your clothes, face, eyes, etc. Just... don't. This won't take long, anyway.

Open up the chicken package and start washing the chicken parts. I like to keep the package in the sink, so I'm not getting raw chicken essence/water anywhere. Once washed, throw them in the empty pot. I just do the thighs, the breasts, the wings, and the legs. I throw away that middle chunk and the guts (if there). Pitch the package when you're done. If you've done it right, very little area is contaminated, you don't have to clean a counter, and the chicken is waiting for you to drown it. Next step.

Salmonellicious.

Wash your damn hands again. Salmonella is something that makes your body do terrible things. But this is the last time. For a while. Your hands are now no longer on fire. Feel free to touch anything you want. Except more raw chicken.

Throw the chicken pot on the stove. I like to add a nice amount of black pepper, but it's up to you.

Pour the broth over the chicken. It should cover the entire chicken, but if it doesn't, add some water.

Drowning a chicken in chicken broth. There's something evil about this, I know it...

 Now crank the heat on the stove. You're going to want to bring it to a boil, which won't be easy because all of them bubbles that make it bubble oh so boiley have to go through the chicken, but it will happen (I'm assuming you're not good at cooking, hence the details). Once it bubbles, reduce heat, cover and simmer for an hour. You can basically just go away now for an hour. It'll be fine on its own.

An hour go by yet? Groovy. Unfortunately, more waiting awaits. Turn off the heat and take the chicken out of the broth. I like to put it in a big bowl, but whatever.

Yay it's cooked and will burn your fingers like a thousand Hells!

Throw the chicken in the fridge, along with the broth. This is to cool it off because you will be handling it with your hands. If you want, you can try to skim the grease off the top of the broth, but it's a pain and I don't bother.

Chicken stored? Go do something for half an hour.

30 minutes later, you're ready for the fun part (otherwise known as the only part that takes work and the part I hate the most). You're going to de-bone the chicken. Take your chicken out of the fridge, put the pot back on the stove, and put a trashcan near you again. It's easier to throw the bits away immediately than making a trash pile and letting it build up.

The chicken should be nice and cool to handle without burning off your fingerprints. Good. You get to tear the meat off of the bones now. Skin, too. One piece at a time. Some people use two forks and shred the meat, I just savagely rip it apart. Like a MAN. This will take a while, but that's sadly just what you have to do. Chicken is complicated.

IT'S SO JUICY

Discard bones, throw meat in the pot. Repeat. Discard any tough bits, any gristle, anything you don't think is edible (or don't want to eat). You won't get much meat from the wings, usually, but you can get a TON from the breasts. But shred it, pick it, whatever. I guess you could just have big chunks, too, but I think the shredding works best (theoretically, you could probably use a lot of boneless/skinless breast instead and save yourself time and effort, but I have yet to do so. I feel like I accomplish something because I do a tiny bit of work for a decent meal).

You're done. Unless you want to actually make something that isn't stupid. In which case, keep going.

You'll want to wash your hands again, since they're covered with chicken bits. But you're on the final steps now.

Turn the heat up to medium-low or medium. Doesn't matter, really. Add the spices. That's 2 Teaspoons each, Cumin and Ground Coriander. Now add Cayenne Pepper. I usually use 1 Teaspoon.

spices are what set us apart from the dark ages.

Add the soup. It adds color, flavor, and thickness. It doesn't work without it, trust me. Give it a good stir to mix it well with the spices. Break it up as much as you can, but it will still stay a bit chunky. The heat will cause it to melt, though, so no worries.

lol texture

OK, Here's where my recipe deviates from the original one I was given years ago, and that's the Pico de Gallo. What is it? Cilantro, Tomato, Onion, and (sometimes) Jalapeno. Very important things. My mom thinks it's best to add it to the bowls as you serve. You know what I think?

I'll have to be careful when I add it, taking my time and not just dropping the whole thing in.

I throw the whole damn thing in.

Oops.

Why? The heat and stirring will cook the pico slightly, but not much. The flavors will then permeate through the soup and make it taste AWESOME. But if you want to do it classic style, add it to the bowls when you serve.

Stir that up, cover, and cook until the broth is hot. How hot? Hot enough to be almost too hot to eat, because that's what you are going to do when it is done. Shouldn't take long. Just keep checking and tasting.

It should smell like winning very soon.

Now, the final step. This is what makes it tortilla soup. Grab a handful of chips (I like HEB chips, because they're thicker and less salty than Tostitos. They just work, dammit). Throw them in the bowl. Big handful of cheese, throw it on the chips. Put the soup on. If it's hot enough, the cheese will melt instantly.

BAM.

Now eat it. You're done. Put the soup in the fridge and munch on it for the next few days. It should last a while, if you're alone.

And that's that. Eat it, and feel your body repair itself. A short version of the recipe will end this post, but I wanted to have fun and write it all out. Like a MAN.

Soup, Dr Pepper, and Doctor Who. My life > Yours.

Ingredients:

1 Whole Cut-Up Fryer Chicken

1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup

1 Pkg. Pre-Made Pico-De-Gallo (or make your own)

2 Tsp. Ground Cumin

2 Tsp. Ground Coriander

32oz. Low Sodium Chicken Broth.

Salt

Pepper

Cayenne Pepper

Tortilla Chips

1 Pkg. Mexican Blend Cheese (nothing else melts right)

Wash Chicken and place into pot. Season if you want with salt and pepper, if you want. Pour entire package of broth over the chicken until it covers all of it. Add water if you need more liquid. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, then simmer for an hour.

Remove chicken from broth and place in fridge. Place pot of broth in fridge, too. Wait approximately half-an-hour or until chicken is cool enough to handle.

De-bone the chicken, discarding nasty bits such as bones, skin, gristle, throwing only the meat back into the broth.

Turn heat to Medium/Medium-low. Add Coriander, Cumin, and Cayenne. Add Can of Cream of Chicken Soup. Stir until blended decently.

Add entire package of Pico de Gallo and cook until hot, stirring occasionally.

Serve over tortilla chips and shredded cheese.

To reheat: Either reheat soup in the pot, or cook in the microwave for ~3 minutes.